Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
