Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
