woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Randomize
