Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
