Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do you have feelings for this penis?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
