Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
