I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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