he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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