ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
