i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
