...so i touched it.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
