And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
