i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
