I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
