I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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