Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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