A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
