Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
