U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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