you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
