I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dignity is for republicans.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
