Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
