i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
