Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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