This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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