i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
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Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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