dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
