Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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