Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
