last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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