i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
