shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
