All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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