Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
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