the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
