No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
