Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
