Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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