one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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