well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
