Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
