i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
