Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
