I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My vagina just clenched in fear
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