Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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