Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
