she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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