she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
