C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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