I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
