The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
