I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
