Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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