I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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