so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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