But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
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I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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