I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
