Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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