I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
