i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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