Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
