So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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