at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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