I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
