in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
