tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
