Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
