I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
