I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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