I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
