I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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