even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
