the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
