YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
