next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
