So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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