Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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